Day before

Tomorrow night I leave for India. I'm very excited and a little nervous. Of course before I go I must start trouble. The foreigner is apparently going to FL for the weekend. I haven't seen him in weeks, probably 2 months now if anyone's counting, i am. The back history is that I met him in a bar down the shore 2 1/2 years ago...I was seeing someone else at the time so I didn't pay much attention to him...he of course likes that in a girl. Around November of that year I decided I liked him, I wanted it to work, he back pedaled and bolted....throughout the rest of time it's been on again and off again and on again and off again. I constantly try to let go and move on and he always lets me, which hurts. He is very easily distracted by pretty things and our town has tons of them...so he is always off playing with them and it leaves me alone. I moved recently about 6 blocks away, I've learned that I am not worth a 6 block walk unless he's really drunk and even then it's only b/c he's in the area. My friends are tired of listening, I'm tired of living it...I just wished I could have made it work with the nice guy that I still speak to...he's sweet and kind but doesn't have everything I'm looking for so I can't commit to it. The foreigner of course doesn't have everything either but he is what I want the most in the world, a challenge.
~Someday I'll let go
~Someday I'll find happiness

until then I get to spend my time away obsessing/trying not to obsess about his weekend and all the girls he finds.

~M