Augusta

I'm bilingual.....in months only

Today Chuck got a new plant but flipped out completely when I added rock and put the plant in. I had to move him to a smaller bowl so I could work in his new larger vase like bowl and he was having a fit. I think he loves his new spacious living arrangments and feared the smaller holding bowl. When I went to get his plant & the rock I almost got sucked into buying a turtle. The turtle was adorable but required a large aquarium and really I am lucky Chuck is still alive, do I really need to add another pet? another not even furry pet? These are the times I wish I had a bf, he could get a turtle then and it wouldn't be weird.

Summer is almost over already! Seriously where did it go? My summer at LBI has been ok, it was done to get away from the crowd at Manasquan, specifically FG. That lasted until last Friday when I caved and hooked up with him before heading down the shore. This led to a fight with a friend of mine when I got drunk and shared that fact. I just hate that I don't trust my friends to stand by me, so I test them by telling them something that I know is going to annoy them about me and watch the drama. She totally flipped, called me stupid and ranted and wouldn't talk to me for a bit. I of course being a runner bolted the next morning and spent my Sunday at my parents. At 30 years old I'm still running to my parents when my friends hurt my feelings, kinda lame.

Overall things are the same although I'm getting better at home, my apartment has curtains! I added some other things too but after being here for 13 months it was good to have curtains. Next purchase is going to be a desk...I'd like to have a set up for my computer/mail/etc so everything is all over.

maybe next time it won't take 2 months to post again, although I'm the only one reading anyway :)

Months go by

It's been almost 2 months and a lot has happened.

Job is progressing, I got the raise which is good
Summer is finally here!!! I am so excited for summer it's my favorite time of year. It's nice out longer, people want to go out.....but of course I am broke. It just sucks how bad with money I am. I got a substantial bonus and a raise and yet I have none of that left after 3 months. I bought some things but mostly it's from going out and shopping. I am so far in debt it's crazy. At 30 years old I should be better at this. I'm never gonna own a house and that's depressing. It's so easy to be materialistic on the east coast, especially when you have successful friends who can buy whatever they wish, or go out as they please. It's becoming depressing how fast I can blow through money.

The FG........yeah that is done, I hope. He is dating one of my friends it seems and it kills. His myspace page has a whole new crop of girls, some half naked on there! I just want to be over it...the other 2 in my life (yes when it rains, it pours) are not working out. One doesn't really want me, he just wants someone so he's not alone. The other just needs a fuck buddy...a sadistic fuck buddy it seems. I don't understand why I can't get past FG....I miss him a lot, a real lot. I know I only miss the isolated good times I have in my memory but still I miss him. I don't know why but I need to get over it.

I really need to go out tonight and drink a bit but of course no one wants to go out.

In a fortnight

It seems I'll post every two weeks.

Life isn't bad, it just isn't great. I am excited that summer is coming though I cnanot wait to get out there on the beach. There has been some drama with beach houses though. I'm doing mine at a different beach for half the summer but I wanna do a few weekends at my old beach. The old beach has the FG problem though....he has a new girl, who kinda sorta looks like me, but of course skinnier. I don't know if I can take a summer of them. I rarely see him out unless we head to 1 bar so I might be able to avoid him.....I hope. I just wish I could get over it and not be bothered, other guys I've dated I have not had this problem, only him. It's not good and it's been almost 3 years. I can only hope that this is the year I meet someone new. Went out last night for 1/2 price martini with some friends and ended up texting the last boy...always a bad idea. Usually being alone doesn't bother me much, but I must be getting old. I don't understand how some people get the happily ever after and someone to adore them and the rest of us get 2am phone calls.

Job is progressing, again not bad just not great. I really need to find a career I enjoy. I think I'm over this, I want to go into event planning but I wonder if I have it in my to start all over, I'm used to the money now.

Another weekend approaches and I'll be here on friday nights....not caring and just waiting for saturday to come. Good news though is I got up for spinning this morning after being out last night, I"m pretty proud of that.

~M

Been so long

I'm still here just haven't posted....I don't have much new.

work: getting better, i'm getting used to the situation so that's always a good thing
FG: just returned from vacation and I haven't heard a word from him....maybe this is really it this time. he did remove several things from his myspace page which makes me wonder if something ended. i did hear from him right before he left but i ignored it because i'm confused and sad and don't know what to do.

this weekend i'm off to nc and I cannot wait to be gone. i haven't seen my friend and the kids in forever. i finally get to meet the new baby who will soon be my god daughter, it's awesome.

i wish summer would get here already, i'm so tired of waiting for fun.

~M

What's going on

The past weekend I was supposed to be in Chicago...8 girls a big weekend of fun. Instead we got to the airport, checked in and had the flight cancelled....awesome. Some of us did go out that night in the storm for dinner and drinks...we had an uninvited guest but that's for another time. I love st. patrick's day so much, I'm very irish and usually the chance to hang out with all my friends would be awesome. I don't know if I'm getting old or if I was that bummed out about Chicago but I didn't really have much fun this weekend. I ended up local hanging with an ex that just wasn't a smart idea, someday I'll learn. I fear I've opened up a whole can of worms that isn't going to close as easily this time.

FG update: So we had a minor spat last week at 3am...we didn't speak the rest of the week. I didn't hear from him in days, which is unusual since I haven't seen him in a few weeks. He didn't call or text once this whole weekend. SO I texted him saturday morning, nothing...texted again Sunday and sent an email..got a Hi text. Was out, told him so and heard nothing the rest of the day. Sent a text at 3am lastnight..i know i know everything I complain about him doing I do too...it's a vicious cycle. This morning woke up pissed, I hate being ignored, irrationally so I'll admit but I seriously can't stand it. I sent him a kiss off text....not one word all day long. Now he may or may not text me tonight but I'm kinda doubting it, he's off to fun city for a vacation which I guess means he'll have his full of fun so why wear himself out tonight...ugh! There is this chick all over his website that kinda resembles me in that we are both blonde but of course she's skinnier...she's all over this thing so I'm guessing she's the new one. Sadly I've been through 3 years of this and it never gets easier.

Other news: church thing is almost over. It's exciting to come to this place in my life, I need to connect more with my spiritiality, right now I"m kinda going through the motions. I went ot mass on Sunday and enjoyed it and want to make it a habit, my laziness will probably get in the way though. I'm 30 years old and I need to figure out my life. I need to find a guy I like that likes me back! I need to either learn to love my job or get another one....and I need to find peace with my friends.

so much to do...thankfully the days are getting longer ;)

I don't care

You know when you need to move on to something better for your health and sanity. I have reached that point 11 billion times in my life....but 3 years later I'm still in the same location. I torture myself daily with myspace, I have nightmares about the situation and yet I spend a lot of my day thinking of how much I miss the person. Many times I walk away from a situation and do not look back, don't bother thinking about it anymore....but this 1 time, 1 situation has proven impossible for me to let go. It's pathetic and I can only hope to learn soon enough that I want something more out of life. I told him I was sick and his response was to not contact me for the past 3 days....nice. Although the myspace page is a world of insight, seems he has someone to occupy him anyway.

a long ago friend recently contacted me for this stupid myspace thing and wanted to be my friend. I denied her. I don't feel as bad as I thought I would...this girl was so nasty to me at the end of college and took a few of our mutual friends with her...I spend my college graduation alone and to this day have not forgotten those feelings. I only speak to 1 person from college still and I'm very jealous of those that have really close relationships from that time in their life. I'm already 30 when is life going to work out for me?

~M

March - month o'parties

This weekend was a big event in my town. A big party event that all my friends got into. It was awesome and so fun to be with all my friends...but I of course made it a disaster

~Only did 1 carbomb
~still got as drunk as last year when I did 6
~made an ass out of myself in front of ultra conservative cousin over the Foreigner
~Foreigner treated me like crap in front of family & friends
~I practically begged him to come home with me anyway for sex....he said no
~He did a drive by for bad sex that night before leaving to go back out with his friends......seriously what is wrong with me?

I also found out that one of my friends has changed her summer plans and it's really bumming me out. I need to be as busy as possible and as far away from old beach as possible to move on from this foreign issue....this new news is not helping. I just hate when things don't go my way....nice trait I know.
The thing is that even if I'm not seeing him, 4589034803248 other girls do and it's frustrating b/c I never got good at more then 1 guy at a time.....I'm the queen of long term non-relationships, something every girls dreams of I'm sure.

I'm hoping to move on and I need a freaking date already, but match is what my friends use and it never worked for me. It was the basis of the longests and most painful non relationship of my 20s. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I have a cold and I'm the worst sick person....I never managed to suck it up, it's gonna be a long week.

Back Home

I arrived home safely a few days ago and it's so good to be home. The cold is killing me though...seriously it is ridiculou cold. Since being back I've become aware of a bit more such as
~My job is not so fun...mostly administrative stuff....sucked the creative right out of me
~The men in my life suck...they just really don't care about me
~my friends are disappointing at times. it's not even that they have so much going on it's just that they don't care either

I miss being 24 I realize...life is too hard when older I feel. I miss times when it didn't matter who I was seeing, that I didn't have to make decisions about this guy being long term potentional. I wish I didn't have to consider buying a place when I have no real interest in doing so...everyone keeps telling me how it's great to buy and the next step..but why? I don't need to own something, I don't need the hassle of buying a place..the time, the money, the investment none of which I have to give rightnow.

I have a church thing to do today and I'd rather just sit on my couch and watch law & order all afternoon and drink bloody marys...it's pathetic

~M

Politics make it hard to travel....

Yesterday we were stuck in the hotel all day because of water riots. It seems that the government in Bangalore has decided to change the way the water allocation is structured and it made people mad...so there were riots yesterday. I have mostly been sleeping during the day since we are working at night. It is a lot harder then I thought to get used to the time difference....I thought I'd be ok by now but I'm still all confused.
Last night we went to a really good Indian barbeque restaurant, the food was pretty good. I'm getting better at the food thing, although today I ate mostly salad and sandwhiches, only so much my body can take. I just found out that our travel has been adjusted so that we can leave here on Saturday to take a train on Sunday to go see the Taj Mahal! It's like the #1 think associated with India so I'm so happy that I can see it....we are only working through thursday so it leaves us plenty of time to look around and check out the area on Friday/Saturday.
I am taking pictures but it's kinda hard when you sleep the day away.....oh well this weekend should be good for picture taking.
I'm getting used to the stares so I don't notice as much but I do notice that people are alot nicer to me then my traveling companion who is Indian.....they really like westerners here which is great!
Off to do some work.

~M

Made it

The flight was long but I did manage to sleep 10 of the 14 hours....it was great. I have never flown business class before and I have to say that if youhave to be on a plane for a long time, this is the way to go!. I have so far been having a good time. We started in New Delhi and it was slightly depressing. Yesterday we finally got to Bangalore, it's so much nicer. We spend the day inside though b/c of water riots that were occuring around town, political issue. It was great to do nothing though...I still haven't gotten used to the time difference though I'm trying. Right now at home it's 1:30 I think...but I can't be sure really :)

I am having a great time, the food is good and everyone is so nice. Our hotel is super swanky...love the big flat panel tv I have.
I'll be posting pictures soon!

~M

Day before

Tomorrow night I leave for India. I'm very excited and a little nervous. Of course before I go I must start trouble. The foreigner is apparently going to FL for the weekend. I haven't seen him in weeks, probably 2 months now if anyone's counting, i am. The back history is that I met him in a bar down the shore 2 1/2 years ago...I was seeing someone else at the time so I didn't pay much attention to him...he of course likes that in a girl. Around November of that year I decided I liked him, I wanted it to work, he back pedaled and bolted....throughout the rest of time it's been on again and off again and on again and off again. I constantly try to let go and move on and he always lets me, which hurts. He is very easily distracted by pretty things and our town has tons of them...so he is always off playing with them and it leaves me alone. I moved recently about 6 blocks away, I've learned that I am not worth a 6 block walk unless he's really drunk and even then it's only b/c he's in the area. My friends are tired of listening, I'm tired of living it...I just wished I could have made it work with the nice guy that I still speak to...he's sweet and kind but doesn't have everything I'm looking for so I can't commit to it. The foreigner of course doesn't have everything either but he is what I want the most in the world, a challenge.
~Someday I'll let go
~Someday I'll find happiness

until then I get to spend my time away obsessing/trying not to obsess about his weekend and all the girls he finds.

~M

Life is funny

I have been waiting for my bankcard for 5 days....did I mention they sent it overnight mail, unbelievable.

I missed out on drinks tonight with a coworker b/c of this mess and I couldn't get the black ballet shoes that I wanted for my upcoming trip.

I'm home now and cooking dinner on my fabu george forman grill, seriously best thing I've ever gotten. I am making chicken, grilled peppers and grilled brocolli all in one space. I'm also making brown rice but that's on the side, I opened my cabinet and didn't want pasta again so I settled on rice. There is a box of cous cous in there but I think I bought that once to just to have it incase i ever make dinner for anyone...trust me I won't be making dinner for anyone anytime soon.

I have the worst habit of getting into multiple year non relationships and sabotaging any relationship that may become something, you know b/c it's super fun to be 30 years old and hung up on someone who doesn't want you, no really.

3 days til I leave for India.....getting nervous but still excited. Although got an email today that said offices might be closed on the 12th b/c of political issues...hmmmm India isn't a warzone right?

~M

Wallet update

No I didn't find it and it hasn't been returned. However I did manage to get a license early Saturday morning, even though it meant giving up a favorite activity to do so. I then had a fabulous time trying to get my bank to send me a new card asap. I had requested on Friday it be overnighted to my parents since I was heading there for the weekend. I waited around until about 1:30 then called up and went uber-bitch on them when I found out that they didn't process it correctly and so it would be delivered there on Monday. Great! except I wouldn't be there Monday.....they then had to reroute it to work so I could have my card for Monday. After wasting most of my morning waiting around at my parents I headed out to get some stuff done and meet up with some friends. My new friend Jerry the bank guy called, the card actually couldn't be sent until Tuesday. So now I have no bank card, no credit cards for 4 days, awesome.

Yesterday they kept calling me and when I finally got a hold of Jerry he told me that UPS had in fact delivered the card to my parents so he was going to have to issue a new one and have it sent to me for today. Now I love this bank, they were the ones who told me when my wallet was stolen a few months ago...but seriously they were ridiculous with this issue.

Today the secretary drops off 2 envelopes.....both from the bank. I opened them up and there are 2 bankcards...hmmmmm. I call my friend Jerry and he tells me that he had 2 sent so that I could tuck one away in case it were to happen again. So basically my bank is giving me back up for when I do this again b/c even they have given up hope of me holding onto my stuff longer then 6 months. It's kinda funny but also sad that at 30 years old my bank has to give me back up to save me from myself.

Have a fun day!

Weekend

This weekend has flew by. I have spent most of it hanging with my old high school friend and getting drunk...good times. I lost my wallet on thursday in a cab, annoying. I have had to replace everything, license, bank card, credit card, etc. My bank card was supposed to come yesterday to my parents since I went home for the weekend....instead they screwed up and I won't get it until Tuesday, nice. I have done nothing but lay on the couch and be lame all day......being hungover so badly at 30 years old is horrible. I feel ridiculous to have barely eaten yesterday and then drank that much. I deserve this feeling but seriously I feel horrible. I'm gonna go back and watch bad tv now....hoping that tomorrow I feel much better so I can go swim off allthe food I've eaten today to combat my stomach.

go Indy!

India

As part of the new job I get to go to India. Today I finalized booking and it's going to be a loooooooooooong flight. I'm not great at sitting still for a long time. I constantly get up, move around and generally annoy anyone in my range. So with that in mind, I will be traveling in a middle seat. People keep telilng me how long the flight it, how crowded it will be, how I will stand out. I'm about 5'4" and blonde...I'm wondering if I'll be the only blonde on the plane. Atleast if I get lost someone will be able to describe me.

I am so excited to be going. I've been getting mixed reactions, some people are excited for me others seem to feel sorry for me. I love to travel, all over really. I'm taking this trip and am excited because
1. It's somewhere I've never been
2. It's exotic and so much warmer then here
3. It's free!!!

seriously these tickets are sooooo expensive but I get to go for free for work!

While over there I know I'll be super busy doing what I have to do but in the I know there will also be time for me to look around and really see this gorgeous country.

Who am I?

I am a 30 year old single girl working in NYC......original I know. I am mostly writing this blog for myself, if people come across it great...if not it will amuse me.

Things that make me, well me:
~work in marketing - just got a big job, sleep has become optional
~live alone except for Chuck my fish
~have awesome friends
~fabulous family
~love travel
~getting bored of being alone
~jersey girl, summers at the shore
~hit the gym 5-6 days a week to maintain chubby
~chubby b/c of love of bar scene
~weakness for foreigners
~burned by many foreigners

they'll be many more things about me that I put here.